A day lost and lots of guilt

Yesterday was spent sick in bed with a headache and nausea. The bulk of childcare was left in the hands of my 5 year old. I'm a great mom, huh? But, there was nothing I could do about it. No one to come and help. I soldiered on, taking Paige to her beloved gymnastics, so that is one thing I didn't fail at. They were fed and I kept my ears open for trouble.

Paige, bless her heart, was such a big girl yesterday. She could see that I was truly in pain and she kept Emma entertained for over two hours yesterday morning. She got herself dressed and even chose Emma's clothes and tried to get her dressed. She made sure lunch didn't end up all over the living room and she played quietly during Emma's nap. I couldn't be more proud of her or more grateful to her oh so grown up behavior. What an awesome kid!

Mike, on the other hand, was his typical asshole self when I'm sick. He came home and it was all about him. He had some paperwork to do, he was hungry, he was tired. No childcare help from him, no housework help from him. He went to bed at 8:30 and I stayed up past 10 getting the girls to bed. I'd be mad, but this is what I've come to expect. I'd only be surprised if he treated me with some sort of empathy. He went to bed without telling anyone goodnight until I said something about how rude it was.

With each passing day, I am more and more ready for the physical separation. My children will get more attention from my parents than from their father and that is so sad. I find that I am less and less filled with the sadness I initially felt about leaving him and more so filled with relief that I will finally have some other adults I can depend on.